This section of The Beauty of Change column deals with our physical looks/appearance. We have more control over this area of our life than in some of the others. I enjoy taking care of myself, and it gives me pleasure to share some of the knowledge I have gained through personal experiences and research. 

Our society puts a great deal of emphasis on this area of life. The bookstores have whole sections dedicated to beauty, how to attain it, how to maintain it throughout our life. The following are some of my thoughts on how we feel about our self and prepare ourselves (physical appearance and inner beauty) for our presentation to the outside world each day. I want to give you some ideas on how to use your appearance as a guide to detect inner stress which you may not be aware of.

Balance & Physical Appearance

First I want you to remove the word "shallow" from your vocabulary when thinking of your looks. One definition of "shallow" in the Oxford American Dictionary is "not capable of deep feelings." Believe me when I say that "attractive, well taken care of women" are capable of deep feelings. These women have learned the value of looking in the mirror and liking the person who looks back. They have found a formula that works for them. It is probably a combination of physical and emotional health along with a daily routine that projects a beauty and style which has become their own. In my own life these three elements are very closely tied together.

When I feel good physically and emotionally it shows in my face and posture. I can go back to photos of myself at different times in my life and tell you if what was occurring at that time was having a negative or positive effect on my life. Once I lined up photos spanning 30 years of my life. I could see my looks change according to my physical and emotional health. It was almost as if I would age and then get younger looking and then age and get younger looking.  This simple exercise will give you an understanding of how a positive balance in your life affects your looks and physical appearance.

Brett Nicholaus and Paul Lowrie have authored a book titled "200 Ways to Balance Your Life." Their suggestions are based on five categories:

Relaxation

Simplicity

Kindness

Stability

Opposite

The fifth category referred to as "Opposite" means doing the conflicting action or having the counter reaction to a situation that would contribute positively to balance in your life. Some of the suggestions are so easy that we could do them in a few minutes each day. Some contribute to our attitude and how we look at life in general. One of my favorites is "Stop praying for things and start praying for people." This reminds me of what is really important in life. This small book is an excellent tool to remind us of where our priorities should be and gives simple suggestions of how to re-establish those priorities in our life.

As I prepare myself for work each day I like to think of "Simplicity." My morning routine is a combination of my looks on the outside (shower, makeup, hair, clothes) and my inner peace and growth (listening to music, saying my daily affirmations out loud, praying for my family and friends). It takes me about an hour to accomplish these tasks and then I am ready to face the world. I prepare each area of my being in a positive way and can comfortably present myself to others without concern for myself inside or out. My thoughts are free to follow the direction of "how can I contribute to the positive feelings of the people who cross my path today?" This is a goal I strive for everyday.

Do I like the physical appearance of the person looking back at me in the mirror?

Have you ever looked at your hair one day and said "I have had a bad hair day for the last 3 years, and I need to do something about it." When this happened to me it wasn’t only the hair but what was beneath it. As I approached the age of 50, I didn’t like my hair, my size, my looks in general – inside or out. It was easy to find a new beautician and let him start changing the "bad hair days" into good ones with some highlighting and styling. I then started recognizing changes in my skin coloring and texture. A very helpful makeup expert at a local department store demonstrated how some new products would improve and enhance my skin color and texture and then proceeded to update my makeup colors.

I started making time and effort to work on those areas of my appearance. I noticed as they improved so did my attitude as I prepared for work each day. I had never been a blonde, and it was fun to see myself look "brighter and sunnier" each day. I felt more cheerful and happy when I looked in the mirror. One day my estranged husband, who never liked my hair blonde, was visiting me in my small apartment. As he was leaving he made the comment that my hair was "too blonde." I looked him straight in the eye, pointed forward with my index finger and said "There is the door." He got the message. I was exerting my new found power and it just so happened that it had to do with my hair color.

When we have done all we can to our appearance and realize we are still unhappy it is time to assess our surroundings and life on a daily basis. One thing I said to myself was "I am not as happy or confident as I think I should or want to be." I put limits on confidence and self-esteem. I felt if I could accomplish certain goals I would be okay. I didn’t realize that accomplishing one goal would give me the confidence to set a higher one. As I started accomplishing short term goals, I started looking healthier, more attractive and more open to growth and new challenges.

A few months after I decided I needed to move into a place of my own and start the proceedings to end my marriage and start a new life, a friend and I went shopping. She asked me at lunch before approaching the stores, "What are you going to wear when you go out?"   With a concerned look on my face, I asked "What do you mean?"  I didn’t even realize that I would probably have a different type of social life as a single person. When we shopped that day my thoughts weren’t just on clothes but on "who" I was becoming and where my life was going. That shopping trip will always be special to me because some of the clothes I bought were the ones I wore to some of my first excursions out into the single world.

Our Looks -2 (Continue)